Yesterday I felt so old...I thought that I would die. When I surrender to the point of view of others am I being brave or just being stupid? Everyday I lose a little part of myself surrendering to the wholeness of who I think I ought to be or what I thought was supposed to be. Be who you are at all times. Why? What is the alternative? Maybe I am better at lying than I thought. All I have is my imagination. Merging my dreams to the image of others is not reality. Looking outside of where I am is how I have been living. Pulling weeds in the backyard would make all the difference...but still I stare out an enjoy the weeds...but it is a shame that I would see in the eyes of others. The illusion is just as good as the weeds. The work would be fun...not working on it is just as fun. And so I sit. Thinking. Remembering. feeliing. And I don't know when...it could be today..I will pull one weed and then it will make sense to pick the one next to it and a couple hours later
