Yesterday I felt so old...I thought that I would die.
When I surrender to the point of view of others am I being brave or just being stupid? Everyday I lose a little part of myself surrendering to the wholeness of who I think I ought to be or what I thought was supposed to be. Be who you are at all times. Why? What is the alternative? Maybe I am better at lying than I thought. All I have is my imagination. Merging my dreams to the image of others is not reality. Looking outside of where I am is how I have been living. Pulling weeds in the backyard would make all the difference...but still I stare out an enjoy the weeds...but it is a shame that I would see in the eyes of others. The illusion is just as good as the weeds. The work would be fun...not working on it is just as fun. And so I sit. Thinking. Remembering. feeliing. And I don't know when...it could be today..I will pull one weed and then it will make sense to pick the one next to it and a couple hours later it will all be transformed. Until the weeds grow back or I keep planting the new plot.
How the end always ends....Why love?
Don't hold your breath when you are working hard. Your brain won't like it at all. What little intelligence you have in love and war will desert you. It tastes like defeat. Life is tragic...that is the definition of tragedy. The end is inevitable. Death. What happens in between days? Life, breath, love, happiness. Work, study, pray. The rules of life are important. It's called communication. Form, substance, meaning. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Symbol. Truth. Delusion. Wonder. Lust. The things that make life exciting are what we call what is worth living for. Don't you suppose? Nothing is as good as a good list. When it comes down to it that is all there is. Lists or listless there is an amount. A measure even if it is infinity. Boils down to love.